just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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