i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
