i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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