I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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