i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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