are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
