just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
