I just pynch a tree in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize