no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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