Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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