This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
