It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
