i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
