What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
