Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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