Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
