I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
