and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
