She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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