Kiss
Puke
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize