why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
