reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
