He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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