you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
