LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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