Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
