The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize