I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
