do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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