My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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