i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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