Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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