Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
