do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
