in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
