I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
