She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My ass is underappreciated
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
