just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
