he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
