hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
