$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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