she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
