I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
