dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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