fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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