I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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