Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
