i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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