I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
