In the future we'll all be gay
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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