It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
