I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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