Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
