Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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