so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
