Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
