How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
