thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
