Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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