I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
