I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
