I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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