Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
