Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All the doctor said was why
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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