I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
