I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
