Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
