We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
