I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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