I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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