Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
