like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
