Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
