I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Green mimosas i think yes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found your dick twin last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
